I can't bear to hurt my family but can't bear our last name anymore, what to do?

If you have Spanish heritage, do you know the names of any of your ancestors? Possibly, you could choose one of their surnames to adopt. You're 29, you are free to make choices. However, I've got to say that you agony over your name is really out of proportion. A name doesn't define you. Your acts and deeds are what define a person. A new name won't give you self-esteem. It's just a different name. You're still the same person.